This Time for Me by Billings Alexandra

Author:Billings, Alexandra
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: TOPPLE Books/Little A
Published: 2022-04-01T00:00:00+00:00

My eyes were still half closed, almost cemented shut. I was so hot. My head felt as if I had been burned and my hair had been singed off. As I turned my head, blinking the sleep out of my eyes, there was Chrisanne. She was tucked in a corner, curled up on a makeshift cot, snoring, as she does.

My hands were hot. My fingers and toes and my ass and my genitals were hot. I couldn’t get comfortable. The white sheets stuck to me. The blanket was too hot. I threw it off. There was water falling from my eyebrows into my eyes, and it stung. As I roused myself, the pain became more intense, and I started to cry. I was so hot and sticky. I couldn’t get comfortable. And then I released my bowels in my bed, and I lay in my own feces. The heat from my belly rose up, and the smell was rancid.

“Oh . . . okay. It’s okay, sweetie.”

Chrisanne’s voice came through a thick fog.

I could feel her hands holding mine. But I had to pull away because being touched was painful. I wanted to scream, hold her, and ask her what was happening. But words hurt.

A tall man with a beautiful smile came in. He was encased in blue. He whispered to me, and I turned away, and something cool was wiping my bottom, and then I turned, and I saw Chrisanne’s shirt. I kept turning and turning and being turned, and I would hear an occasional “Oh my God, thank you” from Chrisanne through the dense, hot fog, and I would see his blue gown light up against the white walls.

Then I’d go back to sleep.

My eyes opened to more white, and there was a plate of food in front of me. I picked up a spoon, put it to my mouth, and threw up. And as I threw up, I pissed, and then the man in the blue gown appeared.

“Here. Let’s try it this way tonight,” he’d say.

“Oh . . . yes. Okay. Let’s do that.” Chrisanne was so tired.

“You grab that end and I’ll grab this end,” the man in the blue gown would say. “You’re doing great, Alex,” he’d murmur.

And I would turn and turn and turn and then be turned and . . . it was so hot.

“You should probably call her parents,” he said.

“Now?” Chrisanne asked, panicked.

“Well, soon. I don’t think she has much time left, really.”

I heard her pick up the phone. I think I spoke to Mimi. There was a scene between us, but the words hurt and so I don’t remember it. I wanted to be cooler, and I was so hungry.

And the sound kept coming.

“Help! Stop it! I’m not going! You can’t make me go! I’m not going to go! Help! Help!”

The voice calling for help got clearer and clearer. It echoed down the white hallways and found its way into my room and wove into the red-hot blanket.

I opened my eyes, wiped the sweat from my forehead, and kicked off the white sheet and the white blanket.

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